What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
