If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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