I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
