i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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