Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Pooping to opera.
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