So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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