soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
