is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
