she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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