He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
