If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
