my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
