yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
tell your sister to shave her snatch
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize