When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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