She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
