just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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