I hate your face
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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