I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
