Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
