When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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