I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
