FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
