Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
