He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize