All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
