I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
