omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
