girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
