walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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