I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize