Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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