just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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