Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
