I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
