My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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