I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Still dying that you shit outside
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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