you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
