You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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