I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just had sex on a roof
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
