Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
