Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
