I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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