Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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