I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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