four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
