im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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