get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
