I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I fill condoms, not promises.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
