I'm jealous of your bromance
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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