Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
