dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Someone shit on the floor
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
