Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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