she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
