Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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