Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
