can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
