it was like his penis was on wheels.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
