I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I have aggressive nipples.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
