Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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