There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
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