Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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