I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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