dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
