belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
