Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
