Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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