i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
