Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
