I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Mom said you looked used
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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