these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
