I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
