420 ftw
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
