They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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