Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
