How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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