Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
