Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
