North Korea, Best Korea!
handjob tips. give me some.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
