I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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