I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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