I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
