after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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