Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize