I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
4 words: hood of his car
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
