Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
