sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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