Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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