the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize