Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
