I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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