I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
