She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
