My Higher Power is John Stamos
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
