This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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