i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
