I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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