What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
